Note: The chronological order in these ones got mixed up badly, so bear with it :P
"Some people are too nice, and some are wonderful like Amna Siddiqui. Nice are like random ones who appreciate your work, but I have a lot of amazing people in my life" [Says Deeja, in reference to me]
~ The faces that I see
Ingrained little stories
Thousands of emotions that are coming through
Waves of feelings searing through the air that surrounds me
Maybe moments now don’t even need to be my own to be felt. All I need is a mind to feel. I felt a strange kind of magnet-like intensity in a phrase a friend mentioned to me in a random conversation: I’ll sleep after conquering the world!
It is that same tingling feeling I discovered when my niece made the ‘Window to the World’ out of Lego blocks, and led me into composing a poem out of the idea that came from a five-year-old. It’s a beautiful feeling, something that makes me believe that I am special, and that I feel beyond what others feel.
Intensified emotions: only because I make them so.
Sometimes, things build upto a climax so very strong, you are overwhelmed by its intensity and 'epic-ness' :D.
Something similar happened today. I wish for something similar to happen in the coming days too ;)
Khushi hai, aur aas bhi.
But most of all, I am so very thankful to my Lord. I cannot thank Him enough for all that has been happening in my life. This last year has been phenomenal in terms of what I have achieved. Simply phenomenal. Words fall short of how intensely happy I am because of what I have become and how I have been conditioned to achieve. Simply amazing. So content in that respect.
People and situations will always lay to rest the contentment. But when it's worth, it should be enjoyed :D
Its funny. I never understood how fickle I have become, or is this the right word to describe it? Little things matter so much to me now. I have started living off their existence. I try to find meaning in them, and I believe that little things can heal us up. The bigger picture..bah, what's that for?
A simple thanks. A little smile. A short 'you are the best'
That's all I need to feel happy about these days. I am blessed, I suppose, thinking about these things.
Also, today I got to feel it for another person. I don't have to be involved always :)
Its funny that sometimes the emotions that you have to feel are predestined by the normalcy of the situation, like death. Its almost too certain that you have to be sad and lament over the passed one. What if I have something else to feel to?
Like how pathetic our conscience has become? How ensconced we are to not feel that life is as fickle as the snowflakes in winter? You touch them, and they could be gone. And when it’s gone, it gone. No turning back. Never, ever.
So may the Almighty make our plans strong and our deeds solid. A friend lost someone dear today, and realization hit me. I hope it stays...
~ Written in a frenzy of emotions and guilt. The passiveness of the situation now makes it look entirely self-suicidal, but the feelings are true. I cannot deny them.
Today I feel as if I have done something insanely rebellious and insanely wrong. How could I have not seen it coming? How could I forgive my own self for something I could have at-least tried to defeat?
For those who have been following my blog, my Little Sparks of Genius is a regular feature where I collect little memories and intellectual snippets said by others and myself, and then compile them together...
Today I felt the need to post something independent of the others. Totally unique in entirety. Because it holds so much importance to me. Because it shows what I am. Because it tells me that I have achieved something in life. I may not have my career set out for me, I may not end up having the best things in life and I may not be successful in the future. But I know one thing:
My life is meaningful. It is not wasted. It is not rotten, and it is definitely not insignificant.
A culmination of stories. A stinking sense of guilt, that I could have stopped events from happening. That I was the leaf that moved to disturb the continuum. I could have stayed still. The victims are surmounting. Not one, not two. Many. Not me, not you. Everyone.
You sicken me. But I also sickened you. You stared at me, for stealth. I gave you hell.
This is not an accusation.
This is an awakening.
This is the passive understanding of the faith I believe in.
This is my life.
Thank you for staying out of it.
Consider this a rant. Forget if it actually makes sense to you. It never did to me.
This beautiful poem, has come as a result of an experience that I shall hold close to me forever. Friends truly are a blessing. They are my thoughts. Thank you for everything. Your well wishes, and your cheering up. Your silence, and your talk. Everything adds up to me loving you insanely. Thank you again, all of you.
Sometimes even saying the questions out loud can ease the pain. You discover what is wrong, when you ask. Excessive asking is again a disease, it can harm me and the others around me. But this signifies not the depression in the questions, but the beauty in them.
Sometimes little figments of thoughts or brief daydreams can transform your mood into a transient state of mind in which you are insanely entangled till days to come. You know deep down that the reason is not real, but the happiness derived from it, is. Wonderful, sweet happiness that encompasses all the negativity and puts you into a positive force field - you force the ones around you to be happy. This mad happiness is blissful. It lasts for about days only, but while it does, it means the world to me. Happy mad happiness to you too!
In memory of Mrs. Humaira Aamer: A great teacher, a great inspiration, and a lovely person. Who sadly left us so early on in life. May her wishes and hopes be fulfilled through us, and may she find peace in Heaven. Ameen.
Mrs. Humera Aamer was my Chemistry teacher in O Levels, and science teacher before that for 2 years. The kind of determination and love she had for her subject, was the factor that led me to pursue a subject like Biochemistry. I am forever indebted to her for her vision that she imparted in me. I always remember her while studying the subject, and it gives me a satisfaction, that I am fulfilling her dreams. It also gives me the faith in myself. She was a blessing, and my guide. One of a kind-she deserves all the love we have.
A continuum of thoughts that ends in resolution. Its insanely marvelous that simply by writing about something brings me to a conclusion - in the very process of writing about it. That is why I surrender to my words to guide me.
So, that's it right here: I reactivated my Facebook account. Not that this should be a big deal, since I have effectively and encouragingly broke the addiction. Proof: I closed the blue and while tab after a while. I did not linger around. I did not loiter my time around. And it feels so much better with that tab closed.
This is a very crude reality that haunts me. It should not. Because it essentially is a non-issue, a non-reality. I also realize that this phase has come before once on my life too. I was immature, and did not realize what life was really about. How can this be happening again? How, can this be a reason for my emotions again? Should I indulge in finding the answer, or should I put the limits once and for all. How to impose those limits is another question.
This expresses my emotions about a certain moment in which I felt that our day to day routine becomes very overpowering at times and makes us forget what we are striving for in the bigger plan of life. Our intentions become words only and our inactivity depresses us further.
The crime hence committed is this
Will this reality ever change?
Will you overcome your monotony to trespass time?
Will you become the better judge yourself, not time?
After a long, tiring day I came here to post something to get my mind off things.
Just for the record: I am *finally* done with the last leg of college applications, hopefully. Boy, have they been a pain in the you-know-what! But they also helped me find myself, and acutely realize where I stand in life. Not to mention that they taught me to take responsibility of the 'cheez' that I am. Weird, that a bunch of admission officers get to bring about an evolution in me. I have never met them, or seen them, and they sit in a place I have never been to. But they change me. From the insignificant nothing in 8th grade that tagged along with the others, to the imposing and philosophical personality that I am today with a lot of impact. I like to think that.