Running in Circles

You could mean that much to me. And you could be that special. Like the hands on the clock ticking my time away, you could be that person wasting my life away. Like the stones in my way, no stories or names on them, but they waste me away. Or you could be that flower I look at, touch, smell and smile at. Idyllic, yes. Dreamy, hell yes. But its time to feel again, see. It's time to be me again, see. I wish I could see through you, and through me. Through and through. I am still finding you. I am still deciphering who I want to set apart.

Could this be it? Could I have found someone who knew me? But you still don't know what hit you.

- You could so easily stop living and die. It would hurt me so much less.

- You could just stop by and smile. That would be enough. Or just utter a word of thanks for all I did for you. Or just stop and look by. Or you could just stop living as well. It would still hurt so much less.

- You're funny sometimes.

- You have been a subliminal message for me from some time that has passed by. A message from the heavens, a message so divine. You make me feel special, yes you do. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You could mean so much to me, you don't know.

- You. You. Oh, you. *smiles*

- Change, is not what I want. You could change, and that would end it all.

- Hahahahaha.

- You confuse me. And still, you're part of the entity that essentially defines me. How could I detach myself? I could not, I should not. I still don't know you.

- I wish I could feel what you feel. Tell me, maybe? But that would ruin so much. That would break the bridges we built. That would free the birds we hold in our hands and call our own. Yes, you make me laugh. You make me feel home. But is that okay, now? When you want to burn the world down right now? Is it okay to joke around you right now? How do I know what you want? You could be breaking down inside, and I wouldn't know. And that is what is troubling me. But I never wanted any trouble.

- How? What? When? What? Thank you for ruining so many lives. What would you end up doing more? Cuz you've got time on your hands, yes.

- And its all so funny. None of this is actually affecting me. When it should. When I do think about it. When I do have concerns. When I am questioned. But, no. That's not how it is, that's not the way of the world.

- Screw so many things.

- Hey, you. I wish I could erase so much you felt. I wish I could mean what I actually said to you. Believe, and all will be good. I hope so, atleast.

- Oh how I wish you would mend your ways. You should be drawing much bigger circles, giving time to so much more. But you're lost in a conundrum of thoughts that aren't you. I wish you could rediscover who you are. Are you all yellow, then?

- Just come by quickly. One of these days, I might give up. Not on life, not on my dreams, not on my name, but on you.

- Do the stars still shine? And do they shine for us?

- I think too much, perhaps. I wish I would unthink so much of what I have masterfully conjured up in this ball of neurons and grey matter.

- How would it feel to unthink? To not know what you know. To see you as someone I don't know. I wish so much.

- I guess I can love you. I would lose nothing. I think.

- I want it now. I want to see some light shining at the end of the road. I can't travel at night all my life.

- Home? Which home?

- I know what's wrong. Dammit.

- I want to continue. But I should stop. I might say too much.

- I want to close my eyes, and smile. Dream of things that make me feel good about myself.

- Secrets, and little hands holding me. You should not be harmed of the ways of the world. It's too cruel out there.

- For you, anything. I still believe. I still hold that much hope inside me. I still am impregnated with wonder and vision, hope and dreams, laughter and words that can save us. All of us. We might break apart by distance, by situations, by people, but I would still hold onto you. Through that thread of unsimulated thoughts and half-seen dreams. I could be you, that you that you want. You could be you, that you that I want.

- We could all fly away into skies that we dream off. But we need to stand on a ground that looks upto that sky. But fly away anyway, you might just meet me up there in unknown skies. Chance, is all that I can think of right now. And I know I am not thinking straight.

- Looking at words, that are not mine, that mean nothing at all. But they help, yes they do.

*sigh*

None of this is permanent. Things will change. People will die inside, and people will be born again. I am not sad. I am just happy about thinking about things too much. I could win, you see.

You don't have to worry though. All is calm right now. The silence before the storm?